I have a really clear recollection of my husband’s response to this. He leant over me, looked right into my eyes, as if he was looking deep inside me, and said “I see you”. He said other things after that along the lines of “You are still here, you are in there, you are still you” – I can’t remember the rest of it exactly, but even after 2 years I can still clearly remember how it felt when he looked into me and said “I see you”. This simple but powerful gesture helped me get through that low point, and also helped me at subsequent points in my illness/recovery.
At the time I felt like the very essence of me was lost. I didn’t have the energy to carry out the simplest of daily tasks, couldn’t spend much time with my family and hadn’t been well enough to see any friends for weeks, and worst of all was the brain fog and dizziness that meant I couldn’t even think properly or hold a decent conversation. It reassured me that somehow (and I still don’t know how) my husband could still see the woman he married. His belief that I was still in there gave me hope and made me realise that even though I didn’t feel very loveable at the time, I was still loved.
Today I’m back to being me. I have my energy back, I can think clearly and I’m doing things I love. So when you’re feeling low, remember you are still you, you are in there and
I SEE YOU
The photo accompanying this post was taken on a lovely walk I took along the river this morning, whilst the ideas for this blog post were settling in my mind. The weather may be grey, but I am thankful to be well enough to walk in nature again.