I See You

2015-02-10 09.25.26When I was at a really low point with my ME I can remember lying in bed, crying, and saying to my husband “I don’t feel like me any more”.

I have a really clear recollection of my husband’s response to this. He leant over me, looked right into my eyes, as if he was looking deep inside me, and said “I see you”. He said other things after that along the lines of “You are still here, you are in there, you are still you” – I can’t remember the rest of it exactly, but even after 2 years I can still clearly remember how it felt when he looked into me and said “I see you”.  This simple but powerful gesture helped me get through that low point, and also helped me at subsequent points in my illness/recovery.

At the time I felt like the very essence of me was lost. I didn’t have the energy to carry out the simplest of daily tasks, couldn’t spend much time with my family and hadn’t been well enough to see any friends for weeks, and worst of all was the brain fog and dizziness that meant I couldn’t even think properly or hold a decent conversation. It reassured me that somehow (and I still don’t know how) my husband could still see the woman he married. His belief that I was still in there gave me hope and made me realise that even though I didn’t feel very loveable at the time, I was still loved.

Today I’m back to being me. I have my energy back, I can think clearly and I’m doing things I love. So when you’re feeling low, remember you are still you, you are in there and

I SEE YOU

The photo accompanying this post was taken on a lovely walk I took along the river this morning, whilst the ideas for this blog post were settling in my mind.  The weather may be grey, but I am thankful to be well enough to walk in nature again.

2 responses to “I See You

  1. Sarah you just made me cry. I’m pretty sure I cried the first time I heard that too. What a lovely thing to say. Your busband sounds like a gem.

    Its been lovely to reconnect with myself after the fog has cleared – and illness has taught me that self-care and self-love are not indulgences for other people, but actually a healthy part of a happy fulfilled life, especially when the rest of the time is spent looking after others!

    As a write this I am sitting in the cafe at the cinema waiting for a film while the ids are at school. The housework can wait for another day!!

    I love your blog!

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